AS YOU ARE
Part 2

MEET FELIX

BRIAN's POV

As I walk into the diner, I see the boys sitting at our usual booth and join them. They’re giggling like a bunch of girls and talking about last night. I kiss Mikey hello and order some fries and water when I sit. I look around the diner and see a cutie in the corner booth. He’s with an old guy in leather. What is with twinks today…running after older men? I smile at him though, before turning back to the boys.

“So what are we doing tonight?” Mikey asks looking at me with his puppy dog eyes.

The waiter puts my order in front of me so I wait until he leaves to respond. “I’ve got some work to catch up on.” I hope Mikey takes the fucking hint.

He doesn’t though. “But we hardly see you anymore! You’ve got to take a break, Brian.”

I munch on some fries. “When I am making fucking millions, I’ll take a break. Now leave it.” I notice Emmett caressing Ted’s thigh under the table and give him a knowing grin as I chomp on a fry and he stops.

Deb enters the diner then to start her shift, walking up to our table. She moves her hand around in front of our noses and I get a whiff of some perfume. “Ma!” Mikey yells. “What are you doing?”

“Something smells fabulous!” Emmett says, sniffing the air around him.

Deb laughs and smacks her bubble gum. “Do you like it? Sunshine bought it for me.”

I look up at her and see she’s staring at me. What the fuck does she want me to say? “He’s back?” I ask cooly.

Mikey turns and looks at me. “You knew he was gone?” I shrug. Everyone talks in bloody Pittsburgh…especially lesbians. Lindsay can never keep anything from me…Justin made a mistake when he told her his plans.

“He’s back from Europe but without the boyfriend.” Deb keeps looking at me and I can’t help but feel slightly annoyed.

“These fries are stale.” I mutter and push the plate away but she ignores me and keeps talking.

“Apparently Ethan won that competition and well, has to stay on and tour and…” she stopped for a few seconds then continues, “Bottom line, it didn’t work out. But he seems to be doing fine. He brought me back this expensive perfume. He’s got presents for all of you.”

“Presents! Yay!” Emmett claps his hands together.

Mikey though, is angry. “Who cares? I don’t want anything from him.”

That comment upsets me. “Why? What the fuck has he ever done to you?”

Mikey looks surprised that I am defending Justin. He stammers out a reply. “After what he did to you…”

“He didn’t do a God damn thing…but look out for himself. He’s happy and that’s all that matters.”

I know Deb is still watching me. She always knows how to read me so well. “That’s very mature of you, Brian.”

I smile. “I can be mature.”

“When you try really, really hard.” Emmett jokes and they all laugh.

Deb leaves and I listen to the guys talk. But I’m not really listening. I’m lost in my own thoughts…about Justin. I’m glad he’s back. I missed him. Even at the diner, I looked forward to seeing him in his apron, smiling at all the customers to get bigger tips. I wonder where he’s going to be staying. At his mom’s…at Deb’s…or will he come back to me? As if he can read my thoughts, Mikey blurts out, “I hope you’re not going to be nice to him, Brian.”

“But I’m always nice.” I smirk. Ted snorts and I give him a look.

“I’m serious. Just leave him alone.”

“Find a hobby, Mikey.” I say as I stand up, putting on my shades in the process. “Because my business is my fucking own.” To Emmett and Ted I say, “I’ll see you queens later.”

I’m glad I decide to take a break and come to Woody’s later that night. The minute I enter, I see him…sitting at the bar by himself, engrossed in the paper in front of him. He’s got dirty blonde hair and these intense blue eyes…sort of like…but not as beautiful. He’s slim and looks tall…close to even my height…I think.

I grab the seat next to him. He looks up and I give him my “I want you” smile but the arrogant fuck just nods his head and goes back to the crossword puzzle he’s doing. I lean over and notice he’s nearly completed the whole puzzle.

“You know, it’s bloody rude to read over someone’s shoulder.” He says without even looking at me. So he’s British. Or has the accent down cold. I can’t recall fucking too many British guys.

“So let me make it up to you. What do you want?” I offer, expecting him to say he wanted me.

“A shot of tequila.” He says.

So I get us two shots. I feel the amber liquid burning at my insides as it goes down my throat. “So what’s your name?” I ask as I fiddle with the shot glass. I don’t particularly care what his name is but he strikes me as someone who would need conversation before a fuck. And I want him…

“Felix.”

I want to laugh, really. Who names their fucking kid Felix? “Like the cat?” I joke.

“Pity I’m not into pussy though.” He grins and I notice how perfectly straight and white his teeth are.

“So are you here alone?”

“I’m actually waiting on my boyfriend. He’s always bloody late.” I nod wondering if they’re into threesomes.

“So what are you doing in the Pitts?” I must be really bored as I’m actually having a conversation with this guy. But there’s just something about him…

“I just moved here. I’m a model and I do some of my work in the States.”

Hmm…a model. Maybe that’s where I’ve seen him before. Justin loves models…collects pictures of them. “But why the Pitts? Why not New York…LA?”

He shrugs. “I know I should be there…but…this guy…he lives here. And I want to be close to him, I guess…” What shit. I tell him as much. He laughs. “It’s fucking weird when you fancy someone so bad, it hurts. I’ve fucked up quite a few relationships in my time for the shittiest of reasons but this time…I want it to work. He’s so sweet.”

“Stop, you’re making me sick.”

He doesn’t stop. “I was such a bloody bastard before. I never even believed in relationships. All I wanted to do was fuck and get rich. I didn’t think I needed anyone… weird, huh? I was such a prick.”

I watch him strangely but only because I feel he may be mocking me…after all, he has just described me in a nut shell.

“Love is for straight people and dykes...not us.” I mutter. “Now fucking…that I can understand. You get the maximum of pleasure and the minimum of pain.”

He laughs. “It must have been hard.”

“What?”

“When he fucked you over.” he watches me carefully but my face gives nothing away.

I shrug. “He was a good fuck, I’ll tell you that.” I don’t know why, but I add, “It doesn’t matter. He’s a good kid…just too young for me.”

“How old was he?”

“Nineteen.”

“And what’s your age?”

“None of your fucking business.” I say and he grins.

“You look about 40.”

“Fuck you!”

We both laugh and then he says, “I’m 26…my boyfriend’s pretty young too. He’s still in bloody university! But he’s amazing. The minute I saw him…he looked like a bloody angel. And that smile. He’s gorgeous…simply gorgeous.”

I don’t know why but I begin to feel very strange again. And then I see him. Justin. He’s walking towards the bar. He’s looking pretty damn good in his tight tee and jeans, his bubble butt emphasized in them. When he sees me, he grins and I can’t help but smile back. He’s looking so healthy and…sweet. I just want to wrap my arms around him and welcome him home. Tell him I missed him…then take him home and fuck him so hard...

He hits me on the arm. “What a surprise…Brian Kinney in Woody’s on a Saturday night.”

Before I get the chance to respond, Justin is pulled into Felix’s arms and they kiss briefly. “Is that your name then? Brian? I don’t think I caught it before.” Felix says with a smile as he props his head on top of Justin’s blonde head. I don’t respond and Justin looks at me funny.

“I guess I don’t have to introduce you to my main squeeze. This young punk is the lust of my life.”

Justin blushes and laughs. “You’ve only known me for a couple months babe. You’ve got to stop telling people I’m your soul mate. You’re gonna scare them.”

Felix laughs. “Just so I don’t scare you.”

“Not possible.”

I’m not sure I can sit there and watch Justin and his new beau go at it so I get up and toss some bills on the table. “Well, I’m off. Any more of this sweetness and I’m bound to get fat.”

When I’m outside, I light up a cigarette. I feel someone touch my elbow and when I turn around I see Justin. “Hey.” He says.

“Left the boy all by himself? That’s not nice.” I mock.

He smiles. “He’ll be ok. I’m amazed at how well he’s finding his way around. How have you been?”

“How do I look?”

“Good, as you always do.”

“Then I guess I’m doing good.” I can tell he wants to say something but he’s nervous. “What?” I ask a little roughly.

“Nothing…I just wanted to say sorry.”

“What for?”

“For the things I did. For leaving the party you planned for me and Mikey; for being so ungrateful about everything; for leaving you.”

I laugh but it doesn’t quite reach my eyes. “Don’t ever be sorry for anything you do.”

He nods. “I owe you a lot though.”

“You owe me nothing.”

“I owe you tuition.”

“Which you’ll pay for…later. Other than that…?”

He takes a deep breath. “Can we still be friends?”

“What else is there for us to be anymore?” He looks at me quickly and then back at the ground. Using my index finger, I push his chin up and lean down and kiss his lips briefly. “Now go inside before he sends a search party out here for you.”

As I’m walking away, he shouts, “He doesn’t know.”

I turn. “What?”

“Felix.” He says. “He doesn’t know about us.” I nod and turn around again, walking away. “Wait! Brian, wait!”

I stop and wait for him to walk over and stand in front of me. He looks into my eyes and I raise an eyebrow, “What? Hurry up, I haven’t got all night.”

“Got someone home waiting for you?” he says sharply. At my look, he shakes his head and apologizes. “Listen, I want you to know I’m ok with us being friends.” He says quickly. “I totally understand the whole commitment thing now. It wasn’t what you were about…and I never should have tried to change you. I fell in love with you despite it all.”

I don’t know why this hurts…him telling me this…especially that he loves me. I haven’t heard him say that in…ages. I say nothing though and he continues. “I’m sorry for everything I put you through, Brian. And I do owe you something…Honesty. After all, you’ve always been honest with me. You never lied about how you felt about me…I just assumed too much…wanted too much. But I’m glad we can put it all behind us and still be friends now.” He stops and watches me nervously.

I don’t know what to say. Should I let him go on thinking I honestly didn’t care about him that much…that the reason I never told him how I felt was because I never felt much in the first place. Or should I tell him the truth? That he meant everything to me…that I needed his love…wanted him in my life…but I just couldn’t give him the words…? I smile and say nothing. After all, he looks so happy. And he’s found someone. A guy who obviously cares enough about him to move to fucking Pitts. How stupid can someone be?

“Yea, me too.” And I walk away…like I always do.

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