AS YOU ARE
Part 3

Special thanks to CONNIE and LOIS

MEET FELIX

JUSTIN’s POV

After my vacation in Europe, it feels weird being back in the Pitts. I miss the fun nights and the lazy days and the food…mostly the food.

I amaze myself sometimes with the amount I can put away…just thinking about food gets my stomach grumbling. As if on cue, I hear the low rumble, so I take a lemon bar from the tray and munch.

It’s quiet in the diner today; two couples by the window and a man reading the newspaper on the stool close to me. Deb’s not here yet, but should be arriving soon. I keep glancing at the clock because more than anything, I want to get out of here.

When I hear the bell, I look up and see Michael and Ben walking in.

Oh God. I’m not in the mood to deal with him right now. If he whines, I promise myself I will stuff something in his mouth.

Ben smiles at me. I like Ben. He’s hot and has a great body. Too big for me…but I’d fuck him…if he wasn't HIV+. Oh Jesus. What am I thinking? I must be missing a few screws.

“How was it?” Ben asks me while I pour iced tea for him. He makes himself comfortable on the stool.

“Europe? It was great! I had a really good time.”

Michael rolls his eyes. “I’m sure you did.”

I ignore him and pull out my notepad. “What can I get you guys?”

Ben and Michael both go for the turkey sandwich.

When I come back with their order a little while later, they’re arguing about something.

“Just ask him.” Ben says.

“No…I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Mikey mutters back.

I set the plates in front of them. “Anything else?”

Ben watches Mikey then looks at me. “Yes, actually there is something. How do you feel about continuing with the comic book?”

I am a more than a little surprised. I thought the comic idea was kaput. I didn’t want it to be, but I assumed Mikey wouldn’t want to be around me after what happened. I told Ben as much then.

“It’s business, Justin.” Mikey mumbles and from his expression, I know he’s been talking to Brian. Only Brian would always have business on his mind…he wouldn’t care about tiffs and spats.

“I guess you’re right.” I say. “Got any ideas for the next edition?”

Mikey spends the next 15 minutes tossing ideas my way. I take it he’s thought about this a lot. I am more than a little relieved when Deb walks in. I make my excuses quickly, promising to get started on the drawings and leave.

I’m staying with Mom again, which can be a pain as she’s always cornering me to chat. She loves Felix though but then again, who doesn’t? Felix can charm the pants off anyone.
Just thinking about him makes me smile.

I’m still amazed I’ve got him.

I was sitting in a pub the day Ethan and I…had decided to end things. Ethan. I wonder if he’s ok…if he misses me. I don’t miss him much anymore. He was a good guy…and I know he loved me. But I never loved him.

But in that pub, I must have looked like the world was going to end because soon, a hot stud was sitting down, buying me a drink. He told me his name was Felix and he’d never seen me here before.

We talked until 3 or 4 in the morning…taking shots of tequila and flirting. And when it was time to go home, he came with me to my hotel room.

But we didn’t fuck. He just held me close while I cried and cried like a baby…the alcohol helping me release my pain.

I didn’t give any names….but I told him about Brian. Told him how much I loved him…how much I wanted to be with him…and how hard it was for me to leave him.

And then how I was dealt another blow when I had to leave Ethan…

He let me soak his shirt with my tears and comforted me as best as he could.

And then I fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning, he was staring at me.

He gave me a smile and leaned down and kissed me. I still remember the kiss…it was only a light brush of the lips. But it meant something to me. It gave me hope maybe. I don’t know.

After that, we spent everyday together except for one weekend, when he had to fly to France for a photo-shoot. But then he rushed back…to be with me.

I had finally met someone who only wanted to be with me.

And then, he did the ultimate amazing thing. At the airport when I was leaving, he asked me if I wanted to see him again. I said yes…but how? I had school starting soon, and he had his work.

And he showed me the ticket. And his brother, Alix brought out his bags. I stood there amazed…but so happy. He would still have to fly for work, but he’d spend most of his free time with me…

I didn’t once think what Brian would say. Or the guys. Maybe I didn’t care.

All I wanted was to be with Felix…and he’s here now…that’s all that matters.

I haven’t seen Brian since that night at Woody’s. He’s never at Babylon anymore…or at the diner. Lindsay says he’s been extremely busy with work. I just hope he isn’t avoiding me…but I know that’s not his style.

As much as I adore Felix, I miss Brian…everyday.
When I wake up on mornings, I still want to feel his arms around me. I want to feel his fingers stroking my dick…as he attempts to wake me up…

But it’s over. He gave me no choice. He made me see...the truth.

And I know now he would never give me what I need. Commitment. Love. Romance.

I can’t blame him though...or hate him. But I can’t wait around for him forever either. I have to do what’s good for me. Now.

And I choose to not have to deal with the endless tricking anymore. I choose to just be with one person.

And as much as I want that person to be Brian…it never will be.

So I’ll settle for Felix. And maybe someday I’ll love him. Maybe.

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