AS YOU ARE
Part 8

Thanks a mil to CONNIE & LOIS & IRINA!!!

MIKEY's POV

When you're a kid, there are so many dreams you have...things you wish you could be...could do.
I remember wanting to become a super hero, just like Captain Astro. I'd have the perfect body too...so the costume would fit well in all the right places. And a super-hero voice...deep and strong...sexy.

Brian would obviously have to be my side-kick, just like Robin is to Batman. I know, it's weird. But kids have the weirdest dreams. And when you're in love with your best friend, these dreams can become even stranger.

I always thought Brian and I would end up together...prayed for it...gone to sleep hoping that I would wake up the next day and Brian would realise how much I cared about him...how much he cares for me. And give US the chance we deserve.

I've wasted more than a decade of my life on stupid dreams. But not anymore.

Because that dream is gone.

Now I dream of meeting my Mr. Right. The guy who will make me HIS world...who will love me despite my faults. The man I can spend the rest of my life with. And I may have found him...in Ben.

But I still have dreams for Brian. I pray at night for him to come to his senses and stop the mindless tricking and drugging. And I have a new dream for Brian Kinney...to fall in love...just not with me.

My prayers will probably go unanswered...but my dream for him has come true.

It's hard watching your best friend pretend everything is all right in his life when it isn't so.
To a complete stranger, Brian Kinney looks like he's ok.

He doesn't look tired anymore and he's the picture of perfect health. A stranger would take one look at Brian and think he's got it made - good looks, height, body to die for, killer smile and partner in a successful company.

But to me, Brian has changed. He looks sad. And lonely. I know he's hiding a lot inside...all of his hurt. And I wish I can help...wish he'd talk to me...tell me how he really feels instead of pretending everything is ok...

Just like he did that day...at the hospital...the day I realized Brian Kinney was capable of loving...and Justin Taylor was no one-night-twink.

That night, I held Brian's trembling body in my arms as he cried silently and I wanted to cry too...because I knew then that it was over...my dream would never come true...it was the end. And if Justin made it through the ordeal, there would be no turning back for the two of them.

And in the past year, I've watched my best friend, who had sworn off relationships...give in to one. I've seen a guy who never apologises say he was sorry.

And I've tried to ignore Justin's pained expressions every time he watched Brian walk off with one trick after another.

But this time, it's different. And I don't think Brian should have to deal with Felix. Not now...it's too soon.

And as much as Brian would like to deny that he gives a shit about Felix and Justin, I know better...because I was there...the day Brian couldn't mask his pain.

We were coming back from the diner. Ma had insisted we eat, although I had just dropped by to check on her. She's still going out with that detective and I hadn't seen her in a couple days. So we stayed a little while at the diner before heading to the loft.

Brian was going to get changed so we could meet Emmett and Ted at Woody's. I was still very suspicious of those two...especially after Emmett told me he didnt have any "feelings" for Ted...they have been acting pretty strange lately...

But tonight, Brian was in a more mellow mood, making fun of the hickey Ben had left on my neck last night and grinning a lot otherwise.

We had stopped by his door and he was trying to find his keys. And that's when I saw him.

Felix.

He was walking up the steps because the elevator still wasn't working. He had a bag over his shoulder and shades over his eyes, even though it was after 8 pm. He was wearing tight jeans and a blue shirt, which matched his eyes, with the top three buttons missing. His hair had pink highlights and was spiked up. Despite it all, he looked beautiful.

"Felix?" I called and waved.

I noticed Brian stopped his search and looked at the other man.

Felix looked up at us. "Oh fuck! Brian! And Mikey."

He dropped his bag on the floor in front of us and took off his shades. It was then I realised how tired he looked...beautiful still, but tired.

"Hey." I smiled. "Nice hair."

Brian didn't smile, just said, "If you're looking for Justin, he isn't here."

Felix cocked an eyebrow and grinned. "I should hope not. He doesn't even know I'm back." He turned to me and said, "The hair's a bloody mess. It looked brilliant a couple days ago but it's faded after a few washes and it looks quite disgusting now."

I laughed. "Had a job?"

"Yip...for hair supplies. I got a few samples if you wanna try it?"

Brian clicked his tongue impatiently. "So what brings you to the neighbourhood, Felix?" he asked, turning to open the door after locating the key in his jacket.

"I live here, right up the stairs."

I saw the confusion on Brian's face...it mirrored my own.
When it finally registered in my head what Felix was saying, I think Brian realised too. And I couldn't hide my shock.

Neither could Brian.

"Looks like we're going to be neighbours then." he said without as much as a smile. "Welcome to the neighbourhood."

And he entered the loft without a word of goodbye to Felix, slammed the door shut.

I gave Felix a smile of apology. "It's a nice building."

He smiled back. "Is he ok?"

"Brian? Yea, he's good. It takes a while...but..."

"Sure. Anyway, I'm pretty beat. I'll see you around."

I went into the loft, found Brian in his bedroom, undressing. I watched as he pulled the shirt off, throwing it on the floor.

"That little prick." He muttered. "I should have known."

I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing.

"I'm going to fucking KILL him!"

"Brian, calm down." I said.

He glared at me. "Calm down? How the fuck am I supposed to stay calm with that British asshole living right above me?"

I shrugged. "It can't be that bad."

He laughed mockingly. "Not bad? Fuck you, Mikey!!! It's not bad at all...it's fucking crazy!"

And then he did something really strange. He sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the floor for long moments. When I moved closer to him, I realised he was taking long, deep breaths.

He looked up at me and said softly, "Mikey, tell me I'm not going crazy here but...is he taking over my fucking life?"

"What?"

"He's got everyone wrapped around his little finger, fucking fabulous Felix. But not me..." he bit on his lip. "And now the asshole's moved into my fucking building. What next? I'm going to walk into the office on Monday and see him at my fucking desk?"

It took a lot of courage for me to say it, but I did. "Don't forget Justin."

He looked at me quickly. "What?"

"He's also got Justin."

And that's when I saw it. The look of pain that flashed in his eyes...just before he closed them. When he re-opened them, the look is still there...he doesn't try to hide it.

I don't want to see that look on my best friend's face again.

The next day, I'm sitting at the diner with Ben when Brian walks in, slamming the door behind him. He's searching the room for someone. Finally, his eyes settle on Justin, his target, walking toward me and Ben with our orders.

Justin gives us our food and turns to Brian.

"Hey, what can I get you?" He asks with a smile.

I watch as Brian moves to stand in front of Justin so they're inches away from touching.

"Just the little twink I was looking for." Brian says smartly.

"Yea? What's up?"

"What's up? I'll tell you what's up...your fucking boyfriend!"

"Huh?"

"You left out a little detail when you came over, didn't you? About my new fucking neighbour."

Justin wrinkles his nose, the guilt obvious on his face. "Oh."

"Oh? Is that all you have to say?" Brian's eyes don't leave Justin's.

"I...I didn't know how to tell you." Justin admits.

Brian laughs mockingly. "You didn't know how to...? You think I give a damn who you fuck? Well, I don't."

I notice Justin biting on his trembling lip. "I know you don't...Why are you even here? What do you want?"

Brian just stares at him for a moment and then leans closer so that Ben and I have to shift slightly to hear.

"Right now, all I want is to get my dick sucked. Interested?"

"Brian-"

"No? What about your boyfriend? Think he'll be up for it?"

At Justin's glare, Brian smirks. "Well then, I guess you two better stay the fuck away from me."

Ben squeezes my hand under the table...to make sure I keep quiet, I'm sure.

Brian walks away.

"Brian-" Justin calls after him.

But he's gone, slamming the door in his wake.

Justin looks at me, takes a deep breath and swallows. "I...Fuck!"

And I can't help but think, your move Justin.

- top - Meet Felix - home -
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