AS YOU ARE
Part 20

I would like to thank my great betas Mandi, Connie & Lois for sticking by me through the entire series.

BRIAN's POV

Somehow the sunlight makes it through the blinds and hits me smack in my face, forcing my eyes to open.

I raise an arm to block out the light as I get off the bed. I need to take a piss. Once in the bathroom, I steady myself with a hand against the wall while I drain my bladder.

My body aches all over after last night's marathon session and I'm slow to fully awaken. Thank God it's Sunday. I can sleep in late and do nothing all day.

I slowly walk back to bed, fully intending to wake Justin up for a morning fuck. His ass must be so sore, I wonder if he can walk properly.

He's not there though. His side of the bed is rumpled, indicating he's slept there...so where the fuck is
he?

"Justin?" I call loudly. "Forget your stomach for once. I've got just what every growing boy needs."

I assume he's in the kitchen so I slide back into bed and wait for him, my eyes fighting to stay open once my body hits the soft bed again. The clock display shows the time to be 9 am. Fuck - too early for me to be awake on a weekend.

When I wake up again, it's 11:20. I stretch my arms and yawn, my hands reaching for my boy. But he's not there. I'm too lazy to get up, but I assume he's in the loft somewhere.

I pull his pillow to my face and inhale his musky male scent. If he saw me doing this, he'd have a shit-fit, rub it in my face that I care about his pale ass. I wouldn't deny it though, not this time. I do care about the little twat. I care enough to give US another go. Yes, there is an US.

I know I'm not perfect and bound to fuck up somewhere along the way, but I'll try my best not to. That's all I can promise him.

JUSTIN's POV

I take one last look at our loft. The agent will be around later to organize everything. Felix doesn't want to sell the place, he's chosen to rent it out. Since I won't be able to work or start school for awhile, Felix wants me to consider half the rent money as mine. He wants to be sure I feel independent, but still know that I can depend on him.

I sigh and roll my eyes for being so fucking sentimental about this place. I only spent a few weeks here - it shouldn't mean much. I hear the buzzer and know the taxi is downstairs, ready to take me straight to the airport.

I lift my suitcases and get into the elevator. It's working now and I'm grateful because the cases are heavy.
I wonder if I should stop in and say goodbye to Brian. But I shake my head at the thought. We said our goodbyes last night. To say anything else would kill what we shared.

We let all of our emotions out using only our bodies, no words were necessary. Words are hard to say sometimes. I'm beginning to realize Felix was right - words don't mean everything. They shouldn't.

Still...words would have made me stay. All Brian had to say was "stay" and I would be unpacking all of my shit now.

But I realize he still can't, or won't, say anything.

As the cabby lifts the cases into the trunk, I take one last look at the building.

"Goodbye, Brian," I whisper.

I get into the taxi. I refuse to look back.

BRIAN's POV

Ok, this is beginning to piss me off. Where the fuck is Justin? He's not in the loft. There's no trace of him anywhere  - just the messed up bed. And I could have done that myself. I didn't dream the entire thing, did I? Fuck, that would be harsh.

I remember his number upstairs and dial it quickly. I call the loft upstairs, after ten rings I click the phone off and slam it down on the table. I'm beginning to get suspicious.

I decide to call his mother.

"Brian?" she asks, the surprise evident in her voice.

"Yeah," I'm sorry I called her now. She's going to give me the third degree. I inwardly groan, but it's too late to get out of this. I'll just get straight to the point. "Is Justin there?"

"Justin?" she coughs . "Justin left this morning to go to London. Didn't he tell you?"

I squeeze my eyes tight. Fuck! She's wrong. I know she is!

"He changed his mind," I assure her, although I don't sound very convincing.

I hear the confusion in her voice. "He did? I saw him about an hour ago. He was all packed. Brian-"

"No," I mutter. "No! You're wrong!"

"Brian, I'm sorry."

"Sorry's bullshit!" I tell her angrily. I realize I shouldn't take my anger out on her. She's done nothing wrong. It's her drama-princess son! Must he always take things to the extreme? I'm going to fucking kill him when I get my hands on him for putting me through this shit. "I'm sorry. Listen, what time is his flight?"

"What's going on?" she asks. "Whatever you're thinking, Brian, please don't do anything rash. Give him a chance to live his own life."

I clench my fist at my side. Mothers are so fucking frustrating at times! "He's a fucking kid. What the hell does he know?"

"You think I want him so far away from me?" she asks. "I don't. But he made his choice."

She's not listening to me. I realize nothing I say will get through to her so I shut up and wait for her to figure out what road she wants to take. She's taking a long time to answer and I wonder if she's hung up. Then I hear her sob. As she struggles to compose herself, I wait patiently. "British Airways. Flight 945, 1 pm," she whispers.

I sigh, relieved. "Thanks."

"Brian?"

"Yeah?"

"Good luck!"

I smile before I hang up the phone. I'm not the only one who thinks his going is a bad idea. Somehow that gives me hope.

I change quickly and search for my keys. They're not on the table or in the drawer.

"Fuck!" I shout as I frantically look around the loft.

Of all the days to lose my keys, it's today. What fucking luck! God's really on my side.

I grab my jacket, intending to hail a cab. As I slide my door shut after setting the alarm, I put a hand in my pocket for a cigarette and I find my keys.

I chuckle to myself. I'm turning into a fucking crazy person. When have I ever been this shook up about anything? Fucking little twat. I'm going to murder his ass...

As I get into the jeep, I put on my sunglasses and stare at myself in the overhead mirror.
I told myself I'd leave everything up to Justin...let him become his own person, make his own choices.
But I refuse to let him make this decision on his own. It's too much for a boy his age. I need to interfere.
He needs me to interfere in his life. He doesn't know what he wants, has to be hit with a dose of reality now and again.
Hell, leave it up to him and we'd be married, marching down the fucking aisle in matching Vera Wangs!

Fuck it! If you want anything done right, you got to do it yourself!

When I get to the airport, it's already after 1. I'm hoping the flight was delayed somewhere and he's still grounded.

I race to the airline counter and explain my situation to the young woman there - I was detained this morning and I'm supposed to fly to England. Have I missed it? Is there anyway I can still board? My brother has all of my documents. Could he be on the plane? Could I board just to see him and get my stuff?

She's a bitch. With her fake smile, she announces the flight's already taken off and they can't call back the plane. Well, did I ask you to do that woman? I try to stay calm but she's really fucking stupid. All the makeup she's plastered onto her face must have somehow been absorbed into her brain.

I wonder if I can get on the next flight? The bitch tells me to come back at 2. What the fuck? Do they think I have all day? I make a little scene, call her a stupid bitch and she gets all uptight. She wants me to calm down or she'll call security.

I raise my hand and give up. Fuck them.

I look at my watch. It's 1.30. I glare at her as I grab a seat nearby, waiting for the clock to point to 2.

Vance is going to kill me. I've got clients all week. I can't afford to be chasing my ex-boyfriend halfway across the world. Shit. Am I wasting my time running after this kid? He's fucked me over so many times in the past few months even I am beginning to wonder if he's worth it.

My eyes begin to burn so I lower my head and stare at the floor as I squeeze them with my fingers.
I keep my head lowered as I wait for the time to pass.

The floor is so shiny and white, I grind my Pradas hoping to stain it but no such luck. I need to step in some mud first. I examine the shoes and realize I should buy myself a new pair.

I notice that I forgot to put on a pair of socks in my haste to get to the airport.

Someone sits next to me with a dirty pair of New Balance shoes. They're grey with blue patterns. Sort of like the ones I bought for Justin.

The person clears their throat and I look up, quickly.

"You little twat!" I mutter.

It's Justin, sitting next to me as though he doesn't have a care in the world.

"What are you doing here?" he asks, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Would you believe I was driving around and ended up here?" I suggest hopefully.

He snorts.

I sigh. "Your mother thinks you running off to another country is a bad idea," I tell him.

"My mother?" he asks stupidly. "She was fine when I left her."

"She changed her mind."

"Oh. Ok."

He watches me, biting his bottom lip nervously. Then he breaks out in a wide grin. I shrug and laugh.

"Asshole," he says. He leans over and pushes me. "What took you so long? I've been going crazy waiting."

I lean back into the chair and let out a loud laugh. He's so full of shit! I'm laughing so hard tears are sliding out from the corners of my eyes.

Justin pushes me again to get me to stop. "It isn't funny!" he tells me. "I've been here since 11 you prick!"

I stop laughing and pull him into my arms, kiss him right there in front of everyone. Our tongues meet playfully and gently caress each other's.

When I pull away, he's grinning at me.

I want to smack him for putting me through this horrible ordeal but I won't do it in public. When I get him home though...

JUSTIN's POV

I couldn't board the plane. No matter how many times I tried to get up to join the line, I couldn't.

My place is here, in lowly Pitts with Brian. I know I want a boyfriend who will treat me well and only want to be with me, but I realized I don't want just any boyfriend. I want that person to be Brian. I figure if I stick around long enough, he'll change. Slowly, but surely. No guarantees but are there ANY in life? I'm willing to take that chance on him.

And by him coming here, I think he's ready to take one on me too.

I never expected him to show up. By sheer luck, as I was leaving the airport, I spotted him sitting here by himself. I understood what it meant and was so overjoyed, I had to rub it in...pretend I knew he wouldn't let me leave.

"I knew you couldn't live without me," I say with a smug grin.

He snorts. "Don't flatter yourself. I was worried about my investment."

I laugh. "You're a liar! You so care about me. You love me!"

He tousles my hair and stands up. "Believe what you want. I know I couldn't have my investment shipping himself off to another country. How the fuck am I to make sure he's doing the right thing from across the ocean?"

I stand as well. "You're so full of shit, Brian."

"Ok, your mother sent me. That's why I'm here."

"Fuck me! You're joking!"

"Later, and no, I'm not."

So it wasn't his choice to come? I force a smile as I pick up my suitcases. His hand covers mine. I look up and our eyes meet.

He kisses me quickly. "Don't look so glum, I came up with the idea first."

As we walk to his jeep, we're silent. The minute we're settled in though, he leans across to kiss me - a sweet, gentle kiss.

"I'm glad you didn't leave," he tells me softly.

"Me too," I assure him.

I hope I'm making the right decision by staying. Felix is going to be upset but I know he'll understand. I can't help but feel everything's going to be ok now. And Brian will change, he'll become the man that I want him to be. He can take his time though because we've got plenty. And I know, that no matter what,  I'll always love him - just as he is.

20/11/02
22/11/02 - Krissypig

Thanks for all the support and encouragement from the readers! I would not have completed this series without you!

Hope you enjoy this chapter! Please let me know what you think!

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