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NO EXCUSES, NO APOLOGIES, NO REGRETS JUSTIN "What do you think of this one?" I ask Michael, showing him the drawing - of Rage and Zephyr standing on a building looking down at the city of Gayopolis - I've just spent half-an-hour drafting it up. We're at his comic book store working on new ideas for Rage. So far, all we have is 'Rage over Gayopolis.' I'm too lazy to think up anything more original and Michael has the creativity of a horse fly. We've been at it for a couple of hours and my wrist is starting to hurt, but I don't want to complain. If I start, Michael is likely to and I'm in no mood to listen to him whine. I have been neglecting my comic-book duty, that much I'll admit. Strange how I'm supposed to have a lot more free time on my hands since I stopped working at the Diner. It's been an entire month. I've been sleeping a lot more, eating everything in sight and pumping extra hours into the books. And like a spoiled little brat, I get a nice fat allowance in the bank at the end of every month. I smile immediately at the thought, but lose it just as quickly when I think about Brian. He still won't accept it. He's tolerating a lot of shit from me… well just Felix related shit. Otherwise, I'm the perfect partner. I can cook, am always up for a fuck and I'm master of the art of giving the perfect blowjob - at least he thinks so. And he's getting used to the idea of fathering another Gus. Or maybe I'm the one liking the idea more and more. I think he would like a little girl this time. Or maybe that's what I'd prefer. Since I named Gus, it's only fair I name whatsitsface. Good butch names are always crossing my mind - Ellen, Rosie, and Portia…for obvious reasons. But, we've been more or less content. The arguments are less frequent as I try to irritate him less. I still screw up though. Just this morning he woke me up to yell at me for leaving his shampoo bottle open. It must have fallen on the floor during the night and spilled but I'm not sure. In my daze, all I heard was, "What the fuck did you do?" as he shook the empty bottle over my head. "Zephyr looks a little short," Michael comments, interrupting my thoughts. That's cuz YOU are short! I want to shout at him but I shrug and crumple the paper, tossing it over my shoulder. The bell dings and Brian walks in, a frown on his face. I get off the floor and walk over to him; relieved he's here to save me - my very own Rage. "What's with the face?" I ask as I lean up for a kiss. He keeps it brief but squeezes the back of my neck gently. "Are you ready to get out of here?" he asks. "I've had a fucked up day." I nod quickly and grab my jacket. "Michael?" Michael hugs Brian and tells me, "We still have so much work to do!" "Tomorrow," I say quickly. "I promise." I don't wait for a response but rush outside. Once in the jeep, I buckle up, lean back and start massaging my wrist. Brian stops at a red light and watches me through his Gucci sunglasses, the ones he paid a shit load of money for. He wanted to get me a pair but I refused. I can barely see as is - shades would have me looking like I'm one of the three blind mice! Plus, I've got my own cash now. I don't want him spending his money on me. I'm saving most of mine but I splurge when the mood strikes me. Daphne's back for Spring Break so we've been hanging out, catching up. We went shopping last weekend and I bought myself a new French Connection tee - Fancy a FCUK? Felix has got me more hooked on the brand than I was before. Brian hates my clothes and is slowly trying to turn me into the label queen he is. But I refuse to spend $500 on a shirt. No fucking way! "You ok?" he asks. I nod. "My hand hurts, that's all." He shakes his head in disapproval. "How many times do I have to ask you to stop when -." "I know," I interupt, annoyed. "It's just hard to stop when you've got a great idea." I smile sweetly. He turns his attention back to driving. I know he hates seeing me make a fuss about my hand. I guess it reminds him about what happened that night. I stop massaging the hand and ask, "Do you want to talk about it?" I'm referring to his mood. "No," he says without hesitation. I shrug and wait. He'll tell me what's bugging him when he's ready. After eating Japanese take-out and showering, Brian goes to bed. I woke up at 12 today so I'm not sleepy at all. I work a little on my project before I check my email. There's one from Felix.
"Justin?" Brian calls as he walks down the stairs, naked. I click send and log off before moving towards him. "Couldn't sleep?" I ask as I slip an arm around his waist. He pushes me away slightly, obviously still in a mood, before saying, "Pour me a drink, would you?" I walk over to the drink tray and get him bourbon as he collapses on the sofa. I hand him his drink and begin to walk away, thinking he wants to be alone, but he grips my hand tight and says, "Sit with me awhile." I sit next to him and watch him sip his drink for a few minutes before asking, "Are you ready to talk to me now?" He looks up and shoots me a dirty look, snorts before conceding. "Vance went ahead and hired someone." "You chose one then?" I ask. I know Brian's been at this all week, killing himself to find the perfect guy for the job. Perfection is, after all, very important to Brian. He would never fuck second best - so why hire him? "No," he mutters angrily. "After putting me through all that shit, the stupid fuck went ahead and hired his own man." I raise a brow, surprised. "That was harsh." Brian finishes his drink and slides it on the glass table in front him. "He's so fucked." "He's a selfish bastard," I agree, stroking his arm. Brian yawns and turns to me, stares at me for a few seconds with his soft hazel eyes before touching my cheek. "What were you doing up?" I shrug. "Couldn't sleep." He pulls me into his arms for a kiss. His tongue slowly takes full control of mine, sucking on it gently. Pulling my head with his hand, he steers me towards his semi-erect cock. Never one to hint at anything, Brian's message is loud and clear. I get on my knees in front of him and spread his legs further apart for better access. I race my hands up his thighs before capturing his dick. I can feel its pulse - quick beats. Stroking the shaft in my hand, I feel Brian's hand in my hair, gently fingering at my skull. We lock eyes and he grins lazily before throwing back his head onto the sofa and closing his eyes. The pre-cum is slowly seeping out of his dick and my mouth begins to water. I lower my head and lick at the sticky white liquid, enjoying the taste of my lover. I begin to yearn for more so I open wide and take him inside of me, sucking him into my mouth. My hands gently massage his balls as I draw him in as far as my mouth allows. I suck and kiss, then suck again. Up, then down along the swollen member. Brian moans and whispers incoherently. I feel him stiffen before he explodes in my mouth, all of his flavour swallowed in a mouthful. "Fuck!" he groans. I grin as I move to straddle his waist. Leaning down, I rub my nose against his. He opens his eyes before opening his mouth for my kiss. When I pull away, he slaps my butt and says, "Not bad. All this practice is good for a growing boy." I snort. "Get off," he says. "I think I should be able to get some sleep now." I try not to look too disappointed. I'm fucking horny as hell but I know Brian's exhausted. He's been working hard all week. He'll make it up to me soon - I know it. I smile as I get off him and go into the bathroom - brush my teeth and take a piss before joining Brian in bed. His eyes are already closed so I try to be quiet as I crawl into bed. I still can't fucking sleep! His light snoring keeps me up coupled with the fact that all I can think about is cock. I want to feel a cock up my ass, dammit! I snort before reaching down to grab my boner. Fucking Brian! I should have gone out tonight and fucked. I stroke my dick slowly as I tweak my left nipple, which immediately hardens. I whimper low in my throat as I begin to feel cum spilling over onto my hands. "Justin?" Brian mutters grouchily. "Are you still up? What the fuck are you doing?" "Nothing," I squeak, my hand movement stilled for the moment. Brian would have a cow if he knew I was masturbating on his expensive sheets…with him right next to me! He turns onto his side and grumbles, "Can't you fucking do that in the bathroom?" I want to scream at him but I settle for grinding my teeth and muttering, "Go back to sleep." The urge to add 'old man' is fierce but I keep my big trap shut. Fuck! Brian Kinney has turned into an old man. Is this all my fault? Double fuck! BRIAN The next morning, I wake up face to face with Justin. He's fast asleep, drooling on his pillow. I cringe before turning to look at the time - 6.45. I didn't even need the fucking alarm. Looking at my sleeping lover, I recall what he was doing last night and snort. Stupid twat! It's obvious I've been neglecting him. Reaching down under the sheet, I grab his dick and give it an encouraging squeeze. Justin whimpers. I kick the sheet away and lean close to suck on his ear lobe. He groans as he slowly begins to wake up. "Brian?" he mumbles. "Were you expecting Ghandi?" I smirk. He huffs a little, eyes still closed. "Want me to suck you off?" I whisper into his ear. He laughs and slips his arms around my neck. "Do you really need to ask?" I make quick work out of the deed - he's easy to please this early in the morning. Five minutes and we're through. Grinning, he jumps off his side and goes into the bathroom. I follow close behind - we piss, brush our teeth and then get in the shower. I start to slowly soap his back then move down to the crack of his ass. He leans both arms on the glass enclosure and lets out a soft sigh. I work my way down his thighs and get down on my knees inbetween his spread legs. Face to face with his gorgeous ass, I spread his cheeks and slowly glide my tongue down the crack. Finding my mark, I swirl my tongue along his puckered hole. He shifts slightly and arches his back. I look up for a moment and grin. Then, quickly in one thrust, my tongue plunges into his hot, velvet asshole. Reaching around, I fist his throbbing cock with the same rhythm I fuck his hole. With a thrust of his hips and a low growl, he cums. "Need me to drop you off at school?" I ask when he pulls away to catch his breath. He shakes his shampooed head wildly, the lather getting on my chest. "I don't have class today, just a stupid project to work on!" Pulling him under the water, I rinse the shampoo out of his hair. "I'll try to get in early," I tell him before my mouth meets his. "I really miss you," he says softly when I pull away. Fuck. I've REALLY been neglecting him. I feel damn guilty about it too. Fucking Vance. Fuck him for putting me through useless shit this week. I just hope his new guy is worth it. I should have a say in who he hires as I'm a partner, whether he likes it or not. Justin's cock pressing against my leg brings me out of my unsettling thoughts. I kiss him briefly before pushing him against the glass doors. Ripping a condom wrapper with my mouth, I slip the rubber on my cock. I insert a finger into Justin's tight hole, hear his gasp and lean in to kiss his pain away. I thrust into him slowly, enjoying the feel of the motion. I put one hand on his slim hip and entwine my other with his hand, which is pressed firmly against the glass. He moans as I thrust into him again and again, increasing the pressure and pace. When I cum, I collapse on him. His breathing is choppy and he's muttering under his breath. I kiss his temple and slip out of him. "Don't," he moans. "Don't what?" I ask confused. "Don't leave me." "I'm just going to toss this in the can. Be right back." "Brian!" I stop and watch him. He's acting strangely. He's not moving so I throw the condom on the floor and walk back to him. With my arms around his waist, I kiss his ear and whisper, "You up for another already?" "Say you won't leave me, Brian," he demands. "Justin." "Say it." I sigh before conceding - in my own way. "I'm not going anywhere, you twat." He nods and turns around to kiss me. Then he walks out of the bathroom without another word. It's fucking strange. I don't know what's gotten into him but it's damn unusual. I rinse off before following him into the bedroom. He's back in bed, under the covers. He didn't bother to dry himself off if the wet sheets are any indication. I can't help but watch him as I get ready for work. I don't want him feeling vulnerable but I know he'd tell me if anything were wrong. Over the past few months, we've grown closer than ever. He knows how I feel about him and we're sticking to our rules. I don't want anything to ruin this…what we have. Before I leave I stoop down close to his side of the bed and run my fingers through his hair. He opens his eyes and smiles his sunshine smile at me. I can't help but smile back. "Call me if you need anything," I say before leaving. I'm in the jeep halfway to work when my cell rings. Flicking it open, I say, "What?" "I need something." It's Justin. I laugh. "Get some rest, Sunshine. You'll need it for tonight." "Promises, promises. Can we have pizza?" "No." "Please?" "Absolutely not." "All right. Ice cream then?" "Too fattening." "I'll eat most of it…and I'll feed the rest to you." The thought is arousing. I can picture him naked, sitting on me, feeding me vanilla ice cream. So I give in. "I'll pick us up a carton." He thanks me before hanging up to go back to sleep. I can't help but think the kid's sleeping his life away! I have a stupid grin on my face as I walk into the office and I can't seem to get rid of it. "What the hell's gotten into you?" Cynthia asks as she follows close behind me. I place my briefcase on my desk and plop down into my leather chair. "Don't start with me," I warn her. She rolls her eyes before dropping mail on my desk. "Your competition is stopping by today." I look up as I sort through the mail. "Well, that was one way of getting rid of my good mood." "I suspect I may be another." The voice sounds distinctly familiar but I can't see who it is as he's standing directly behind Cynthia. I shift my gaze and my eyes land on a familiar face - older, but the same nonetheless. My head is spinning and my heart beat racing as I stare into the familiar eyes of who was once the love of my life. 09/12/02
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